Being Still…Literally

Recently, I had foot surgery and the recovery process has been very tedious. I didn’t realize how annoying the healing process would be until the day after. It was then that it really hit me that I wouldn’t be able to get back to my daily activities and that I would have to rely on people to do certain things for me. It’s been super challenging because when I want to just leave the house, I realize, I can’t. Also, when I want to do something on my own, I find that I have to rely on others to help me.  I get that people need help sometimes, but to me, this is different. Throughout my recovery, I’ve been trying my best to not allow depression to have a hold on me. Just being home all the time really got me in my head. I try so hard not to cry at times because I don’t want to feel bad for myself. People that I thought would be there for me throughout this recovery season aren’t. This really made me second guess my friendships and myself as a person. Yea, I know that people have their own lives to live, but shit do I not mean anything? I’ve never been an “all about me” person, but this  really opened my eyes to the people around me and about myself . I swear people only enjoy you more when you’re up and running being able to get around rather than being home and incapable. It got me thinking that every time I try to move forward ,something brings me 10 steps back. I felt like I’ve fought so many battles during the year that I just want a break. Like why is this happening to me? I know God has a reason for all that I’ve been experiencing and honestly, I feel guilty for questioning him ,but it gets frustrating.  

On the other hand, I feel like I should seize this opportunity to focus on myself aside from recovering. Maybe that’s God’s reasoning for having me in this situation. Maybe this is the time where I should be asking myself, “Who is Sabrina and how I can love her even more?” I feel like I try to be there for everyone and please everyone, that I forget about myself. I’m always in a hurry to do things or getting ready for the  next big thing without pausing and taking it all in. I want to take this opportunity to reflect on myself and set goals on how I can be the best version of myself. I think this is my season of being still and being able to heal from whatever I’ve been carrying inside. Yea, this situation for me is not ideal, but this is a start. Just taking the opportunity to be still and listening to what God has to say to me in terms of finding my purpose, and what more I can do for myself and for others. 

Everyone is always on their grind and chasing the next big thing, but I think it’s important to be still for a moment and just take everything in. Also to take the time to heal from whether its physically or emotionally . I find that it is when we take time to be still, we can properly analyze the areas in our lives that need the most attention.