Lost but Not Really

I always grew up feeling like I was never good enough. I would always think of myself as just average, nothing beyond that. In school, I was a regular student. When I say regular, we talking Bs and Cs on my report card. Not sure if it was due to lack of motivation or if I just needed extra help. As I got older, that mindset of not being good enough continued to follow me, even now.  That negative affirmation alone messed up my self-esteem and had my mind producing more negative thoughts about myself. It didn’t help that people insisted on comparing me to others, especially my brother. As I started developing relationships with guys, I can say that it started to diminish my self esteem little by little. I felt as though whatever guy I was with was already comparing me to other girls without taking the time to know the real me.  If I ever voiced that I didn’t like how I was being treated, I would get a response along the lines of, “Oh Sabrina, stop being so sensitive.” “You need to relax, I’m just playing.” Not only did I feel like I was being compared to others, but I found that I started comparing myself to the people closest to me. For example, at times I found it difficult to hang out with my own friends because they were on the path of success while I was stuck still trying to figure my life out. Certain conversations would surface on how they were accomplishing their goals while on my end, I had nothing to contribute. I would’ve thought that taking part of those conversations would fuel that fire in myself to do better, but instead I would question myself “Sabrina , what’s wrong with you, why aren’t you progressing?” It was evident that I wasn’t being kind to myself.A few of my friends assured me that it’s ok to feel that what I’m feeling and that everyone’s journey is different , and that’s when I realized that they were right .Yes, there will be moments where I feel that I’m not doing enough , but I have to give myself credit as to how far I had come no matter how small the step may feel. 

Yes , things may be frustrating now, and there will be people that may put you down , but do your best to live in the moment , be kind to yourself and ignore the naysayers  . Everyone’s path is different and you need to embrace your own journey. Shit happens, and that’s life and it’s ok to be discouraged, but keep pushing through. You got this !!